Divorce can feel like a seismic shift, a deeply personal earthquake that shakes the foundations of your heart. For mature Black women, the experience can be even more complex, layered with societal expectations, religious pressures, and the weight of family traditions. It’s a time when feelings of loneliness, shame, and even failure can swirl, leaving you feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward.

But what if divorce wasn’t the end of your story, but the beginning of a new chapter filled with hope, healing, and rediscovery? What if, instead of being a source of isolation, it became a catalyst for connection and community?

Meet Bethany Pace, co-founder of SincerelyDivorced.com, a platform dedicated to changing the narrative around divorce for all. Bethany, a vibrant and inspiring woman in her 50s, knows firsthand the complex emotions and challenges that come with ending a long-term marriage.

“I was married for 22 years,” she shares, her voice filled with both wisdom and vulnerability. “But as I approached 50, I started to ask myself, ‘Can I really live another 30 years like this?'”

Bethany’s journey began with a quiet realization during her 19th wedding anniversary lunch. Despite efforts to rekindle the spark, a growing sense of disconnect and a lack of fulfillment within her marriage led her to a difficult decision: to choose her peace.

“It wasn’t one big reason,” she explains, “but a series of things that accumulated over time.” The challenges of raising a child with Sickle Cell Disease, coupled with a growing ideological divide with her husband, exacerbated the existing fissures in their relationship. As Bethany poignantly reflects, “Sometimes the things we love about someone become the thing that is the cross to bear.”

The pandemic, with its enforced togetherness, became an inflection point. “We were in the house all the time, and I still felt alone,” Bethany recalls. “That’s when I knew I couldn’t continue.”

Navigating divorce, even under “normal” circumstances, is fraught with emotional turmoil. But for Bethany, the isolation of the pandemic added another layer of complexity. Thankfully, she found an unexpected source of support in Hillary, a former colleague who was also going through a divorce.

And so, Sincerely, Divorced was born. More than just a blog, it’s a community where people of all backgrounds, ages, and relationship types can find connection, encouragement, and practical advice. Bethany, a Black woman in her 50s, and Hillary, a white woman in her 30s, are representative of this diverse community, celebrating the strength and resilience of those navigating divorce from all walks of life.

“We want to disrupt the narrative of failure, shame, and isolation that exists around divorce,” Bethany explains. “We want others to know they are not alone.”

Sincerely, Divorced offers:

• In-person and online support groups: These provide a safe and welcoming space to connect with other women who understand what you’re going through, share experiences, and offer encouragement.
• Heartfelt blog posts and resources: Bethany and Hillary share their personal stories, insights, and expert advice on a range of topics related to divorce, from navigating legal matters to coping with emotional challenges and rebuilding your life.
• Personalized notes of encouragement: Sometimes, a simple handwritten note can make all the difference. Women can request a personalized message of hope and support from Bethany and Hillary, a tangible reminder that they are not alone on this journey.

But Sincerely, Divorced is about more than just providing practical advice. It’s about changing the way we think and talk about divorce.

“Don’t assume when someone tells you they’re getting a divorce that it’s a sad day,” Bethany urges. “Instead, hug them. Ask them what they need. Let them know you are there to listen.”

Bethany’s story is a powerful reminder that divorce can be a catalyst for growth and transformation. It’s an opportunity to rediscover yourself, redefine your values, and create a life that truly aligns with your needs and desires.

“Using my story to inspire hope in others is my calling and now my life’s work,” Bethany shares, her voice filled with passion. “I want to lean into my gift and experiences and help others like me find hope and healing after divorce.”

This desire extends to her own daughters. Bethany wanted to show them that it’s possible to choose happiness and live authentically, even after a difficult life transition. “I want you to know the happiest version of me,” she told them, hoping to inspire them to prioritize their own well-being and pursue their dreams.

Practical Tips:

Bethany offers these practical tips for women starting the divorce process:

• Define your values: What’s truly important to you? Is it kindness, respect, honesty? Let these values guide your actions and decisions throughout the divorce process. For example, if you value kindness, strive to communicate with your ex-partner in a respectful and empathetic manner, even when things get tough.
• Set clear boundaries: Decide what you’re comfortable sharing and what you’re not. Don’t feel pressured to divulge details about your divorce if you don’t want to. Have a few phrases ready to deflect intrusive questions, such as, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to talk about that right now.”
• Build a support team: Surround yourself with people who will uplift and empower you. This might include a therapist, a trusted friend, or even just one person who will listen without judgment and remind you of your strength and resilience.

Resources:

• SincerelyDivorced.com: Find information about events, blog posts, and support resources.
• Instagram @sincerelydivorced: For an online community exploring the range of emotions that come with the end of a long term partnership.
• Bethany Pace, Professional Speaker: Speaking services filled with passion for finding optimism and hope in the face of life’s adversities. More information at https://bethanypace.carrd.co/
• Local courthouse self-help centers: Access free legal information and resources.
• Domestic violence organizations: Often offer free legal assistance and support.

If you’re a woman navigating the complexities of divorce, know that you are not alone. Sincerely, Divorced is a community where you can find support, encouragement, and practical advice to help you move forward with confidence and grace.

Visit SincerelyDivorced.com today to learn more and join the community.

About Bethany Pace:

Over the course of her career, Bethany Pace has held senior administrative roles in higher education, as well as leadership positions in private industry. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Journalism with a minor in African and African American Studies and a master’s degree in Counselor Education, both from The Pennsylvania State University (University Park).

She is a co-founder of “Sincerely, Divorced,” an in-person and online community and movement to disrupt the stigma and isolation of divorce or the end of a long-term relationship.

Bethany has been a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. for 31 years and currently serves several boards including the Pediatric Family Advisory Council of the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center where she advocates for sickle cell disease awareness and to improve the illness experiences of children and families. She is also a troop leader for Girl Scouts of the USA.

Beyond all Bethany’s accomplishments, she is most proud of my role as mom to Daphne, a sophomore at the University of Maryland-College Park, and Juliet, an 8th grader.